I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
