There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
