just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
