his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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