im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
