it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
