This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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