I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
