...so i touched it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
