allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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