mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
