Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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