Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
