I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
