3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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