he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
