It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
