The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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