Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My breasts were aching with rage.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
