I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
