Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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