Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
