Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
