He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
