Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
