i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
