HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm having to shit out rocks
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
