God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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