you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
