It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Shame - the story of my life.
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