What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My pussy is not your playground.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
