Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
