so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize