please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
