Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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