it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
