I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
