We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
