i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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