he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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