Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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