brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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