I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
