Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am naked and annoyed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
