Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
