He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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