do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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