Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
