He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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