Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
