Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
