I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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