I will die if light touches me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize