Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
