So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
