i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
