Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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