My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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