Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
