You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
