Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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