Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
