i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
