i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
