Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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