So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
