Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
