gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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