Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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