she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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