sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
