We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
