one might say we're banned from that church
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
