break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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