I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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