We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
