It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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