Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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